So god help us, it was bound to happen sooner or later: that most undeservedly popular of occult texts, The Kybalion, has gotten a movie based on it made.

Well, “based on” is a strong overstatement, as it turns out. I gathered together with friends from the Hermetic House of Life Discord last night to watch this cinematic travesty, and I knew going into it that there was no way I could withstand the experience sober. We decided to make it an MST3K-style viewing with drunkenness and heckling. My sanity could not have survived the experience any other way.

Now, I’ve said plenty about the Kybalion in a variety of places, so my expectations were low going into this. But even if I were stone cold sober I could have watched this movie and still not known what the actual fuck was going on. It presented the most disconnected ramblings about material almost but not entirely unrelated to the subject matter of the Kybalion, interspersed with even more disconnected vaguely psychedelic/shamanic vignettes that appeared to exist only to be vaugely sp00ky for the sake of provocativeness. Much like the Kybalion itself, it was the esoteric equivalent of a Rorshach test, which says nothing especially useful but into which you can read a great deal if you want to.

That said, I had a great time jeering and heckling at the film with friends. It was exactly the experience I wanted and needed in order to stomach this indigo starchild woo dumpster fire without losing sanity points.

Sam Block posted a far more entertaining and ire-filled account of the experience over on The Digital Ambler. I apologize to Sam for suggesting this watch party of existential dread, and thank him for writing the more substantive critique of the Kybalion movie so I don’t have to. Give it a read, it’s well worthwhile!